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Warning Signs that an Intervention Is Needed for Your Teen/Tween

Your teen refuses to abide by anything you say or request.
This is a situation where the teen refuses to comply with the rules you have established for your home. To coin a phrase, they “Just say no.” The teenager is blatantly and defiantly saying, “I’m going to do what I’m going to do and you can’t stop me.”

Your teen displays behavior that is a marked change from normal. If overnight they like things (or people) they once hated and hate things (or people) they once liked, that is a warning sign of a major shift. Other signs include easily becoming bored, sleeping too little or too much, a sudden drop in their grades, or losing all motivation. Some of these signs can be traced back to drug use or family upheaval. They can also be brought on by abuse in the child’s present or past.

Your teen has become increasingly disrespectful, dishonest and disobedient. There is constant fighting just for the sake of fighting. There are open displays of unbridled anger that do not have any legitimate cause. Everyone has bad days, but when these behaviors become common, it is a signal that should not be ignored.

Your teen has become confrontational toward boundaries at home. Once they were willing to comply with known boundaries based on your values, but now they are refusing to. You may find them using language that they know is unacceptable, refusing to attend church or youth group, taking things without asking, coming home late, going out after curfew, using the computer to view pornography, drinking, or smoking pot. It’s not that they are sneaking around to do it as much as they are now blatantly doing it and don’t care what you think about it.

Your teen expresses suicidal thoughts or intentions, or commits acts of self-harm or mutilation. This is not merely them saying, “I don’t want to keep living this way” but rather saying, “I want to die.” Statements like this MUST be taken seriously and handled immediately. Also, any kind of self-harm (cutting, eating disorders, risky behavior), promiscuity or drug use is a symptom of self-destructive behavior that demands an immediate response.

Your teen treats people, pets or belongings in inappropriate ways (is becoming a bully). If things are being broken or lost, if pets are being mistreated, if untrue or hurtful things are being said about other people on the Internet or via texting, or if interactions are becoming abusive or even violent, it indicates a deeper problem. The temptation is to ignore these behaviors to avoid a conflict with an already hostile child, but they must be addressed.

Your teen insists on being the center of attention. Teens can adopt behavior to ensure that the world revolves around them rather than around what is good for the entire family. This goes beyond the normal desire to receive expressions of love and affirmation to a level of manipulative insistence on having their own way and being “above the law.”

Your teen’s behavior is not improving despite months of counseling. When you have identified a problem and sought competent outside help, it should improve the situation. If the behaviors that occasioned the counseling do not change for the better after several months, they will likely get worse.

Your teen refuses to do anything with the family.
There is a growing hatred for being together. Getting them to participate in a family outing or even eating a meal together becomes a major struggle. They feel that you are keeping them from doing what they desire and that you are forcing them to do things they do not want to do.

Your teen insists on being with peers (all the time) whose lifestyles run counter to your beliefs. They want to do things their way with their friends, regardless of your family’s values or plans. They are intentionally antagonistic toward parents and others in authority, and they glory in their ability to “tweak the noses” of those who try to get them to do right.
Mark Gregston

Youth Violence Family Level Factors

Research demonstrates that family dynamics and parental or caregiver involvement are significantly correlated with an individual's propensity to engage in violent behavior. A lack of parental interaction and involvement increases the risk for violence, particularly among males.¹² Failure to set clear expectations, inadequate youth supervision and monitoring, and severe or inconsistent family discipline practices can also contribute to delinquency and violent behavior.
Child abuse and neglect are additional family-level risk factors. Research evidence suggests that children or youth who have been physically abused or neglected are more likely than others to commit violent crimes later in life.¹³¹⁴¹⁵Exposure to high levels of marital and family discord or conflict also appears to increase risk, as does antisocial or delinquent behavior by siblings and peers.
Family members, especially parents or primary caregivers, can play a significant role in helping protect youth from violence by emphasizing the importance of education and offering support and affection. Frequent, in-depth conversations and communication between parents and children help build resilience as does the existence of a non-kin support network which offers access to a variety of adult viewpoints and experiences. Other family level protective factors include clear boundaries for behavior that enforce structure and rules within the household and reasonable disciplinary actions when rules are violated.
12.J. David Hawkins, Todd I. Herrenkohl, David P. Farrington, Devon Brewer, Richard F. Catalano, Tracy W. Harachi, and Lynn Cothern, Predictors of Youth Violence, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, April 2000.
13.C.S. Widom, The Cycle of Violence, Science, Volume 244, 1989.
14.M.T. Zingraff, J. Leiter, K.A. Myers, and M. Johnson, Child Maltreatment and Youthful Problem Behavior, Criminology, Volume 31, 1993.
15. C. Smith and T.P. Thornberry, The Relationship between Childhood Maltreatment and Adolescent Involvement in Delinquency, Criminology, Volume 33, 1995.